Time to Rise
A birdie with a yellow bill
Hopped upon my windowsill,
Cocked his shining eye and said:
"Ain't you 'shamed, you sleepyhead!"
TRAVESTIES BY CLELLAN COVEY CARD
Birdie
Birdie with a yellow bill
Hopped upon my windowsill,
Cocked his shining eye and says:
1. What's for breakfast, Ham --
hocks?
2. What did you do with the Absorbine -- Junior?
3. What are you going to do with that turkey -- neck?
4. What are we having for breakfast -- my very good friend?
5. Have you tasted the grub -- worm?
6. Gramma lost her stocking -- darner!
7. Where do you live, Jack -- in the beanstalk?
8. Say, Garbo, what are you going to do with your double -- boiler?
9. What's keeping you in jail, Goldie -- locks?
10. What are you going to do tonight, Sugar -- bowl?
11. Did you ever fix the faucet -- drip?
12. I hear you married a horse -- doctor!
13. May I hold your hand -- bag?
14. I don't quite get your angle -- worm!
15. What did you do with that big lemon -- squeezer?
16. Where did you get the green garter -- snake?
17. I hear you got a new tractor -- lug!
18. What would you do if your wife drank -- liquor?
19. What's the matter with Hazel -- nuts?
20. What would you do if she sat on your corn -- popper?
21. What are you digging, Marshall -- Wells?
22. What are you having for breakfast, drip -- coffee?
23. What did you do with the cow -- puncher?
24. What would you do if your mother-in-law slipped and sat on
your back -- scratcher?
25. What did you do when you seen your wife sittin' in the china
-- clipper?
26. When did you first fall in love with the old bean -- bag?
27. What makes you so good-lookin', Mother -- nature?
28. How do you like your homemade butter -- Pat?
29. How do you like your bathwater, Luke -- warm?
30. What did you do with the light -- socket?
31. What did you do when you ate the cream -- puff?
32. What did you do when you ate the ginger -- snap?
33. What did you get for your birthday, Bobby -- socks?
34. What color is your nose, little boy -- blue?
35. What did you do at the keyhole, little Bo -- peep?
36. How do you like the lolly -- Pop?
37. Hey, where did you get your dough -- nut?
38. How old were you when you got the colt -- 45?
39. I don't want none of your sass -- Parilla!
40. Hey, they tell me your new car is shot in the rear -- Axel!
41. What did you do after you licked the envelope -- flap?
42. What did the ice cream do when it fell in the root beer --
float?
43. What are you cooking, angel -- food?
44. What did you do when you got hit by the snow -- bawl?
45. What did you do in the kitchen -- sink?
46. What was your boyfriend's name, Jesse -- James?
47. What did you do when your boyfriend went to the party with
B.O. -- plenty?
48. You certainly have a beautiful living room -- sweet!
49. What do you do with your excess -- fat?
50. What did you do after you ate the banana -- split?
51. What're you making, Mulligan -- stew?
52. I thought you was on the boat -- doc!
53. What did you do when you sat on the basket -- bawl?
54. What color is your hair, little boy -- blue?
55. When are you going on the stage -- coach?
56. What did you do when she kicked your foot -- bawl?
57. What did you do when you didn't find any gold -- fish?
58. When you broke your leg, did you hop-a-long -- Cassidy?
59. Who was the best boxer, Joe -- Louis?
60. What do you like with your coffee -- sugar?
61. What do you do on the side -- walk?
62. What did you do with your car in St Louis -- Park?
63. What happened to the snow -- man?
64. What are you carrying in all those bags, Morton -- salt?
65. When would you like to eat -- chicken?
66. You look as big as a cow -- boy!
67. What did you do when she stole your milk -- shake?
68. What did you do when she ate the cheese -- cracker?
69. What did you do with that car -- bumper?
70. I hear you're nuts about the navy -- bean!
71. What would you do if your teacher got in your airplane --
hanger?
72. Did you like the apple -- dumpling?
73. What color is your girlfriend's hair, Buster -- brown?
74. What do you think this is, Mary -- Christmas?
75. Where was you on Christmas -- Eve?
76. Where do you want to eat -- chicken?
77. What did you do when you sat on the bed -- spring?
78. What did you do when she hit you in the eye -- bawl?
79. You look like a horse -- doctor!
80. What did you do after you ate the meat -- loaf?
81. What kind of gas do you use -- Ethel?
82. What did they give you, Red -- raspberries?
83. What did you do with the old bean -- shooter?
84. What are you taking on the picnic, angel -- food?
85. Hey, I hear you took a bath -- Matt!
86. Why don't you use your bean -- pot?
87. What did the chicken do when it cracked open its shell, li'l
Bo -- peep?
88. What's the trouble with the baby -- buggy?
89. Have you finished with your shaving -- mug?
90. What did you have for dinner, baby -- beets?
91. How are you feeling, Mary -- quite contrary?
92. What did you do when your wife stepped on the egg -- beater?
93. How old were you when you started driving your Olds -- 88?
94. What are we having for dinner, chicken -- dumplings?
95. Say, do you have a pen -- pal?
96. Say, what did you do when your wife smashed the car -- bumper?
97. What would you do if she swiped the salt -- shaker?
98. What did you do when you saw the home -- run?
99. How did you enjoy the lamb -- Stew?
100. What did you do after you ate the ginger -- snap?
101. Are you afraid of the lightning -- bug?
102. Say, what would you do if your wife lit a fire -- cracker?
103. I didn't know you was a bird -- lover!
104. What did you have for dessert, Tutti -- Frutti?
105. How's your blood -- Count?
106. How's your boyfriend -- Harry?
107. What's for dinner, Mother -- goose?
108. What would you do if Tallulah stole your pancake -- batter?
109. What would you do if she stole your clothes -- hanger?
110. What's for dinner, Pop -- corn?
111. What's that in the road -- a head?
112. What's for dinner, Donald -- duck?
113. What are we having for breakfast -- Grandma?
114. What did you do on the bed -- spread?
115. What would you do if your wife bought a new coat -- hanger?
116. What did you do when you went to the zoo with your aunt --
eater?
117. What did you do with the river -- dam it?
118. How do you like your eggs, Sigmund -- Freud?
119. What do you hit with, Vic -- power?
120. What's that on your shirt, Axel -- grease?
121. What kind of car you driving, Abe -- Lincoln?
122. Would you like to go fishing with a broad -- Castor?
123. What do you make with your tennis -- racket?
124. What did you do with the fly -- swatter?
125. What did you do with the lawn -- mower?
126. Which way you going, Adam -- West?
127. Where did you pewt your hat -- Chet?
128. What do you have in the bag, Smarty -- pants?
NOTE:
#1-104 are all genuine Birdies by Clellan Card or Axel, in chronological
order from 1941-1965.
#105-128 are examples from fans which may or may not have been
used by Clellan Card or Axel.
